1. Why did I start blogging?
No Fear
My blogging fears
I had fears. Fears that I could not write. Fears to open and expose my personal life.
Writing meant that anyone online could see and judge my work. But what if I blundered? Wrote the wrong thing? How would my family and friends react? Did I want to take all that responsibility?
Because of fear, I almost quit blogging without trying.
Understanding my fear of writing
Emotional fear has a universal trigger: the threat of harm.
I believed, and still do, that writing carries inherent risk for harm. This is partly because you can’t fully erase what you write down. Expressed ideas leave lasting memories in their author that are hard to forget.
But I didn’t fear this act of writing, however. What I feared was that I could not write. The reason for this became clear to me recently in 2019:
For a long time, I battled mental illness without realizing it.
In 2019, I received a decisive diagnosis, and before that I couldn’t explain why my language skills suffered. Due to mental illness, I lacked clarity of thought and couldn’t speak or write coherently. In high school, essays and oral presentations paralyzed me and no amount of studying could stop C’s in English. I couldn’t save myself. Even reading beyond the prescribed schoolwork provided no enlightenment.
Understanding my fear of self-exposure
Mental illness affected me in other ways too. For example, I was unnaturally introverted and quiet. Before the diagnosis in 2019, there was little to enjoy in conversations away from home. I wished to be alone, nothing else.
However, I didn’t find boredom in other people. Quite the opposite. I’ve always enjoyed reading and listening to books, and I love the stories and characters in a delightful book.
My problem was that I didn’t have a clear perspective because of mental illness. I was afraid that somehow, I could embarrass myself if I spoke about my personal life. I believed, falsely, that other people were secretly obsessed about me and everything I had to say. As a result, taking part in normal conversations overwhelmed me, and I was reluctant to approach people to start a conversation.
But also, I thought that starting a blog would attract unwanted attention on the internet. I believed in this strange idea that I could post an idea online so original that, important or not, has never appeared under the sun.
A lesson from blogger Ali Abdaal
Before I made this website, I did considerable background research.
Over the course of the research marathon, I read blogs and watched blogging videos.
One video by blogger Ali Abdaal stuck with me. In the video, How Writing Online Made me a Millionaire, Abdaal explains how he had to overcome fear to become a successful blogger. It turns out, his fears also were writing and opening to strangers.
After Abdaal confronted his fears, he was able to attract a wider audience through his personal blog. A larger audience reading his content meant real success. That’s what resonated with me:
With determination, I too could conquer my fears and become successful.
So, why am I blogging?
I’m blogging now because understanding my fears improved my perspective.
I realized that regular practice could help a poor writer to hone their craft. It wouldn’t be wise to avoid blogging because I’m terrible at writing.
Instead, through patience and discipline, I too could eventually improve my craft.
Also, I learned that a moderate amount of vulnerability online is OK. I realized this after I read blogs and watched blogging videos online. All beginner bloggers deal with the same fear about opening and exposing their lives online.
Wrapping up
Overcoming personal fears is hard. But doing that allowed me to start this personal blog. I hope you also find the courage to overcome yours.
While I can’t guarantee success, thinking about your fears and finding the underlying cause of your struggles will help.
Whether your mental illness is new or you’re on the verge of recovery like me, everyone can succeed.
Or, at least, try.
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